My Kids Won’t Stop Fighting!

Parents are all too familiar with the cries and screams of children calling out their names when another fight breaks out. “MUUUM Jayden just pulled my hair!”, “That’s NOT FAIR, we always play your games!”, “DAD Alice stole my breadstick!”. The list of completely unnecessary and often ridiculous fights could go on forever. What doesn’t go on forever is your patience and fighting siblings can be draining as you can’t please one child without upsetting the other! You are not alone in feeling fed up of shouting so here are my tips to keep in mind when the kids are fighting.

1.Is it play? Can we redirect it?

A lot of fights start in the world of play. They might be playing a game and someone cheats. Or someone gets a bit too rough with the play fighting. Whatever it is, the goal of diffusing the fight is to return it back to play where they can all get along again. Introducing yourself as a character in their play world could be a helpful option. I usually say “Okay maybe I should play too! How do we play?”. Children can blur the lines between playing and fighting often opting to playfully annoying one another. Recognising the playfulness beneath the fighting is helpful in understanding how to address it. Often simple tactics such as switching up the characters, changing to a completely new game or randomising options by pulling out of a hat are great at game repairing. The children can quickly go back into the world of play after their fight like nothing happened!

2.Separation

Some fights can get quite serious for children. They may feel that their sibling doesn’t love them or that they themselves hate their siblings. Living together can get intense so a bit of separation at times like these is good. Use different parts of the house or let them go to their bedrooms for a bit. A little break from each other every now and again is not a bad thing.

3. Compromise

Usually a fight can be quickly resolved with a bit of compromise. “Jenny you want the blue doll but Amy had it first, is there anything you could give to Amy to swap?” The level of compromise required will depend on the reason for the fight and also how old the children are. The older the children, the more complex the compromise.

4. Reconnect

This could be a meal together at dinner or a family day out. Give the kids an opportunity to reconnect again. Any focussed activity they can enjoy will remind them that they actually don’t completely despise each other and can have loving moments where they enjoy each others company as a family. Sometimes they won’t be friends but they will always be family.

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com