Let’s be honest, there really is no such thing as giving each of your children an EQUAL share of your time and energy. There are so many different factors to consider such as the individual needs for each of your children, their interests, their behaviour and their age.

Generally the distribution of your time is easier the closer in age your children are as they share the same development and can enjoy the same sorts of games. It’s easier because you can spend your time doing one activity and each of them can join in feeling like they’ve both had ‘mummy or daddy time’. It gets trickier when for example you have a 14 year old, a 7 year old and a 3 year old. All in completely different stages! It’s easy to fall into the trap of giving your attention mainly to the child who demands it the most either because they are the youngest or because one of your children are ‘naughtier’ than the others, or because medically one child needs more monitoring than the rest. Slowly but surely guilt starts to creep in that the older or ‘easier’ children aren’t really getting a fair share of your time as a parent. Here are some tips for managing your time to make it a bit fairer for your kids.

1. Get Interested in their Hobbies

One way to give your children a fair share of your time is to be a present and active part of their hobbies. Take an interest, ask questions and join them when they go to their clubs. Learn a song on the piano together, join a gym together, bake. The hobby doesn’t matter, it’s more about making sure each child gets your interest and company with whatever they are fascinated in. As a child gets older, interest in their hobbies becomes more important as you start to lose the aspect of play. You can always play with your toddler but for your older children, connecting over a shared passion is what’s it’s all about!

2. Age Separated Bedtimes

Some parents make the whole process of getting everyone up to bed easier by making all the children go up all together. It means that the youngest children don’t start getting upset and angry that their siblings get to stay up longer. This can be a great idea if you feel that you spend a fair amount of time with all of your children and if bedtimes really are too difficult when separate bedtimes are put in place. I have noticed however, that when I put a younger sibling to bed first, letting the older child stay downstairs reading or watching a cartoon and then taking them upstairs separately, the older child really appreciates the extra effort to make them feel special. When you have children with an age gap the age separated bedtimes does a wonder for helping you spend time with your older children.

3. Planned Family Outings

If you find yourself always adhering to the requests of one particular child now is the time to start implementing some changes. Allowing each child to pick a family outing that happens once every two weeks or once a month. Each child gets the chance to reasonably decide what the family does depending on what they would like to do with their loved ones. The little ones may want to go to Lego Land or a park, the older ones may want to go to a skatepark or trampoline. Whose ever turn it is to plan the family day out gets to choose! This lets all of your children enjoy family time in the way that they want and lets them practise compromising behaviours. Some of your children may not be happy about the arrangement that is planned, but that’s okay, it is not their day and they can plan the next one.

1 on 1 Time

This is the most important of all. Finding time for each of your children separately can be a difficult thing depending on how many children you have. If you can try to carve out even a little bit of time for each child it will be greatly beneficial to your individual connection with your children. This is the time when they can feel your sole presence and gives them the opportunity to say anything they may not want to say when others are around. It doesn’t have to be a flamboyant day out, it can be simply going to the shops and taking one child whilst the others stay home with another adult. Sometimes you may have to ask family or friends for childcare help whilst you have some 1 on 1 time with your child.

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please send an email to: nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com