The Parental Toll Of Teenage Mental Health
Number 1- Feeling Absolutely Helpless
The helpless feeling of not being able to help is horrible. As a young child meeting their needs is easier, the needs are far less complex and a young child can’t communicate their thoughts or worries. But as a teen, well, they can now very easily express all the horrible thoughts, feelings and complex friendship dramas. You can actually hear and feel how they are struggling and not being able to do anything about it is heartbreaking.
Number 2- The Cut Off
The absolute cut off can feel so harsh and unfair. You have loved every part of them, raised them, given them everything you could and all of a sudden they don’t care to talk to you that much. A rare sighting is made when they emerge from their rooms although most of the time it’s with earphones in or phone attached to their hand. They really are trying to go through this struggle alone. The cut off is a very natural and instinctual drive for your child as they clumsily navigate their way to adulthood. They crave individuality and separation from the family unit which is difficult in itself for any parent let alone if your child is also exhibiting mental health concerns!
Number 3- Constant Worry
I’m sure you’ve heard somewhere that if you don’t solve all their mental health concerns as a child then- BOOM! you’ve got yourself an adult with full blown mental health conditions for the long-term. This is of course not entirely true but it is absolutely impossible for a parent not to imagine the possible future of their child who is presenting eating disorder symptoms or anxiety. This worry can be crippling as you know how important it is to get your child access to the necessary avenues of help but at the same time they don’t want to talk about it with you putting you in the impossible position of just waiting and hoping things will get better.
Number 4-Is this My Fault?
“Was I a perfectionist parent? Did I not socialise them well enough? Was this because of the divorce? I should have moved them out of that school!” There are endless ‘what if’ questions you could torture yourself with wondering if your child’s mental state would be better had a different path been taken. So long as you aren’t abusive, try your best to navigate parenthood and love your child then you deserve to try and let go of that guilt. There are infinite intertwining reasons behind mental health struggles and the development of mental health conditions. Some is biological, some is childhood experiences, some is personality based, some is friendships and external other influences. It is honestly endless and different for everyone, often ending in the teenager saying ‘they don’t know’ when you ask them why they feel a certain way. During adolescence things are changing, their body, their brain chemicals and they develop a sudden instinctual drive to push for separation and individuality. Clearly there’s a lot going on. Don’t burden yourself with the guilt as it will only take its toll on your own mental health. To be there for your child, you need to model good mental health practises in your own life. How will a child learn how to overcome mental struggles if they have only ever seen their parent/s negatively react to their own? Modelling mental resilience and seeking help when you need it yourself as the parent will help both you and your teen.
There are of course lots of other difficulties parents face when they have teenagers exhibiting mental health concerns. So long as you remain a constant support, seek help when it’s needed and try to remain positive then you are doing a great job. You and your child will get through the other side.
Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please send an email to: nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com
