How To Avoid Helicopter Parenting

Some of the friendliest and most welcoming families I have worked with have had helicopter tendencies so it is definitely not a bad thing by any means, it simply means you care a lot! All a parent ever wants is the absolute best for their kids. They want to see them healthy, happy and flourishing and often in the process of all these hopes and dreams for their child a parent can become very involved in wanting to create the ‘perfect’ environment and want to monitor most situations as they can step in and direct it in the way they feel would be best for their child. It can be difficult for parents to let go of the control. Children need to experience input from other adults and learn to navigate situations on their own to practise the social skills and problem solving skills they will need to develop. Here are some tips on how to reduce helicopter parenting.

1- Find Childcare and Leave Them To It

As a nanny for now hundreds of children I have noticed a clear difference in the children that constantly have a parent present and children that don’t. I completely understand that it can be so difficult to fully trust someone else with your child. Childcare doesn’t have to be a stranger or a booked nanny, it can be a trusted family member or friend. The key is to hand over the childcare responsibility to someone else for a set amount of time and leave them in control. Say you have booked childcare, are working from home and in the other room you hear your child and the nanny playing, every time you hear something that you wouldn’t do yourself you walk in and mention- “oh that sound means he wants this toy”, “oh don't play with that toy, he doesn't like that one, “baby say please when asking the nanny for something”. I truly believe parents are trying to be helpful but it restricts the child from working out ways to communicate their needs when in the presence of others. I have personally found that when a parent leaves me to it with their child, the imaginative play flows easier and the child learns new ways to communicate their needs. Not only will leaving another person in charge of childcare responsibility be good for the child’s development of socialisation but it will also benefit you as a parent! You need a break every now and again for doing such a good job. You can always check in every hour or ask for photos but the key is to relieve yourself of full childcare responsibilities just for a little while.

2- Doing Dangerous Things Safely

This is one of my favourites. Helicopter parenting often comes from a place of anxiety and worry about your child. You just want things to be okay- and that is no crime! Letting your child do something slightly risky in the presence of an adult is a great way to practise releasing your grip of control. At the age of 5-6 your child generally has acquired all of the daredevil stunt motor skills such as jumping, running and climbing. Pair this with a raging need to establish independence and you have a combination that can produce anxiety in even the most chill parents. Your kid wants to go fast down the hill on their scooter, climb the tree and use the knife to chop their own veggie sticks. As long as they’re in a safe environment, there isn’t really a reason not to let them explore the boundaries of danger. Learning what is too fast, or sharp or high or hot is a lifesaving skill they need to develop and most of the time children will naturally be quite cautious. Teach them what to do, take the relevant precautions, say you’re here if they need you and let them give it go!

3- Let Your Child Leave The House With A Trusted Other Person

This one can be tough because it’s a total release of control. Once you’ve found trusted childcare, give them the freedom to take your kids to the park, especially if you work from home. Not only will your own productivity increase as you can focus without distractions but it allows the child and other adult to navigate being together without the primary caregiver around. You will be surprised how different your child will be with you compared to without you. I have had countless experiences where I take a child out and they are absolute angels but the second we enter the house and a parent is spotted, the boundary testing begins and the energy levels increase! When they are out the kids are able to properly practise the manners you have taught them, all of the times you’ve told them not to eat messy, or pick their nose, they listen. The only catch is that they often practise implementing all of your hard work when you’re not around.. how charming! Letting them out with a trusted other adult lets them practise all the socially acceptable behaviour you’ve worked so hard to teach them. It also gives you a nice little break so it’s a win win.

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please send an email to: nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com