I have noticed that very often children go through a phase of screaming. They’ll scream at their parents simply for entering the room or for simply asking a question, or simply talking to another person in the room! It is often met with confusion as your child by toddler age is learning to talk so they know how to ask to for things but for some reason they are screaming at you instead. Well this blog looks into the possible reasons for these screams to help us adults understand this often frustrating form of communication and why it occurs.

1.Overstimulation And Questions

Constant questioning and overstimulation can lead to screaming. "Are you too hot? Take your jacket off, have some melon, blow your nose, do you need the toilet?” By a certain age, children like to start developing a sense of independence. They know they can now ask for snacks, or water or say they’re too hot or go to the toilet. Despite still often needing guidance with all of these things, young children like to practise their independence and often get frustrated at the constant questioning and demands we make of them. If you find your child screaming at questions, perhaps lay off the questions for a bit. Rather than ask a lot of questions I personally prefer taking a proactive step. “I’ve left cut up melon on the table, have it when you’re hungry”. “I've got your coat in the pram, take it when you’re cold”. This method will lead to kids making mistakes. For example If you don’t remind them constantly to go to the toilet they might pee themselves. These mistakes provide a great opportunity to teach! “This is why Mummy reminds you to go to the toilet, she’s not being mean, just trying to help!” Kids learn so much faster by actually experiencing things or making mistakes themselves so reducing the questions and overstimulation is key to stopping those screams and allowing kids to learn naturally.

2.You Keep Breaking The Play/Real World Barrier

This is a huge one. The Play/Real world barrier is something parents have forgotten about. Long ago we all lived between this barrier. What i’m talking about is the imagination zone. The characters you become, the scene you set and storyline you follow whilst in the realm of play. Play is the language of children. It’s how they make sense of everything around them. When they are deep in play with someone and you come in and break that play barrier you are effectively being an annoying person standing in front of the TV whilst they are trying to watch. You are ruining the storyline, disrupting their characters and taking them away from a scenario they have worked hard to create. In its most simplest form, play can be broken down into two categories. There’s Personification of Toys a.k.a taking a toy and using it as a character and there’s Roleplay a.k.a kids becoming the characters themselves. If you find your child screams when you try to ask questions it may be because you are breaking their play barrier so it’s always better to join in! First establish what kind of play they are partaking in. If they are using toys as characters, grab a toy, put on a voice and join the world of play “Hi, I’m Lego Spiderman, My tummy is getting hungry from saving so many people today, shall we have some lunch together?” Don’t engage with your child, just the toy they’ve decided to play with! If they have opted for Role Play then time to become the character yourself! “Hey Batgirl! I’m Big Bad Mouse, I’m going to race you upstairs you want to chase me?!” Honestly I understand if these days are behind you and the thought of joining in the world of play makes you cringe but you will find a whole new world of communication open up for you and your child. It will be much easier to communicate in the world of play so give it a try.

3.They Cannot Effectively Communicate And Are Getting Frustrated

As children move through the toddler years and into their first school years their verbal communication begins to burst into existence. You really start to hear them express their wants, needs and feelings and get a proper idea of the little personality you’re raising. With this burst of vocal independence comes a new understanding of words and phrases. Sometimes kids feel things or want to express something but they just don’t have the exact words figured out yet. They're frustratingly close, just not quite there and that misunderstanding can be very annoying for a child craving for a mutually understood communication. When they can’t communicate with their new ways, they will revert back to the old ways which is tried, tested and very efficient and that is to scream and/or cry when they want something.

4.Conditioning

If you’ve never heard of the term “Conditioning” it basically refers to training specific behaviours through rewards. Every time you want your kid to do something and they scream do you bribe them with a sweet treat? Do you find yourself giving in to demands when your child screams? Well you may be unknowingly reinforcing screaming behaviours by saying- if you scream, you will have a better outcome than if you don’t scream and so obviously, your child is going to scream. Never under estimate the genius level of learning kids are capable of. Their brains are absorbing information and learning new things FAR beyond what our adult brains are capable of. If they learn to get more treats from screaming they will continue to pursue that route as it’s their best option. Make it clear that screaming is not the answer, use this as a teaching opportunity, let your child calm down and when in a state of calm, give them what they want.

5.Immediate Attention

An evolutionary perspective of this suggests that children become aware that one of the fastest ways to get their parents attention is to cry or shout. Naturally when you hear your child cry or shout, your senses become heightened, you pay more attention to what is going on and you have a stronger desire to become involved in a situation where your child is shouting or crying. Your child knows this. This is the call they give to summon you with haste. If your child is screaming it might be because they want your attention. Whether you can give it or not is a different challenge and that is something children will have to learn with time as they start to attend school and clubs that require separation.

Hopefully this helps to explain a few potential reasons behind the screaming! These are just some examples I have personally witnessed whilst working with families and I would love to hear any of your experiences or ideas in the comments section below.

Written By Nanny Emmy

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like us to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com