The Toddler Who Hits
Some parents find themselves in the tricky position of trying to figure out why the heck their child keeps hitting them. And often the child doesn’t hold back. They get worked up, frustrated and just lash out leaving you to grab their hands, shouting “don’t hit me! That’s not what we do!” A recent blog I wrote offers some reasons behind the build up of a child’s frustrations which I recommend you to read HERE.
When a child is going through a phase of hitting it’s important we focus on our reactions. How can we ensure our children learn this is wrong? How can I teach them there are better ways to handle their emotions? In this blog we’re going to focus on the possible reactions we have when our child is hitting to hopefully give you some confidence in handling these situations.
Describe Your Feelings Out Loud
Children learn through a process of trial and error. They try something new and see what happens. You need to make it very clear that if your child hits you, the result will be that you are upset. “Ouch! That hurt me, please don’t hit me, it makes me sad.” Let your child see the consequences of hitting- they have upset you. “I feel sad you hit me, I don’t want to go to the park anymore because my arm hurts”. Give them the opportunity to really understand that their actions can harm other people. They can then learn to say sorry and you can reward this by continuing with good relations “Thank you for kissing my arm better, that made me feel happier, now we can go play in the park!”. Consistency is key in forming desirable responses so keep at it and eventually your child will realise that hitting is not the best way to display their frustrations.
Be Firm
Hitting is definitely not a very socially desirable trait. If your child doesn’t learn to stop this behaviour, it may impact their ability to make friends, their likability amongst adults or their relationship with family. You must be firm with your dislike of hitting and be consistent in saying when enough is enough. When a child hits, a calm but firm demeanour works best. Grab their arms, lean down to their level, look them in the eyes and say NO.
Offer Alternatives
Whilst saying NO, it is important to offer a better option. “No, hitting hurts me, you seem angry, here’s some play dough let’s squish it up together”. If your child is repeatedly hitting and not cooperating with the options you are giving them then patience and repetition will work but you will have to stick it out.
Wait
This learning process may take some time and children will not always cooperate straight away. Patience is key. Grab the arms, bend down to their level, look them in the eyes, Say No, say how it makes you feel, offer options and repeat. Don’t give up! Every time you make your stance against hitting clear, you give your child the opportunity to learn new ways of dealing with their frustrations.
Don’t give up. Hitting is a hard one to crack! Hopefully with patience and consistency you will begin to see a shift in your child’s actions.
Written By Nanny Emmy
Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like us to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com
