I went out for dinner with my partner last weekend. It was perfect- all you can eat Chinese! Around half way through the meal he went to the toilet and I was left sitting alone. Almost immediately I reached into my pocket for my phone. It was an impulsive move. I felt compelled to fill the silence with phone scrolling. Why do I feel the need to scroll aimlessly on my phone? I wondered. So instead I did something I don’t usually do. I put my phone back in my pocket and I simply sat, sipped my drink and looked around the room.

Looking around I locked my sight on a family. A family of 4 all scrolling on their phones. I couldn’t help but think- Why the heck have we done this to ourselves? We’ve become so addicted to our online worlds that we are forgetting to live in the present with the people actually around us. I felt anger at the mum and dad for both modelling this behaviour to their children and it was sad to see a family have absolutely zero interest in each other despite being out for a family meal!

Unfortunately this case is all too common. We are becoming disconnected from a tradition that been around since the start of human kind- eating a family meal together. The family meal is supposed to be a place where everyone can connect. In fact there are often very few other times when you have everyone in the same room, focussing on the same activity, so dinner time should be treasured.

More and more often however, I am noticing a pattern. Children are being put in front of devices during meal times. Screen time is often used as bribery to persuade a child to eat. “I’ll put your cartoons on if you eat all of your food”. This slippery slope then continues with children refusing to eat until they have their cartoons and if you say No… well enjoy the wrath of a tantruming child! Once you start implementing bad meal time habits, it is difficult to back track and what started off as “Okay you can watch one episode as a treat because you’re ill” is turning into an everyday routine of screens at meal time.

I completely understand that after work it’s often easier to just whip up something quick, and put on some cartoons for your child to watch. But as parents, for our kids, we have to try harder. Putting our kids in front of screens to make our lives easier is not the answer and we are missing the trick of providing our children with something vital for their development- a united and socially stimulating family environment. Sometimes we all just need a little reminding of how important family meals can be and their role in maintaining healthy relations.

For a start, the family meal is a time for children to practise their socialising skills. To go around asking each other how our days were. Taking the time to listen and discuss. All of these skills help to develop one’s character so the more children practise, the more you will see improvements in their speaking and listening skills. Secondly, you get the opportunity to get to know your child! What’s their favourite thing to eat at school?, what did they do with their friends today? The dinner table is a great place to ask anything you want to know which makes it a bonding experience. And lastly, it is something we as humans have done for a very very long time. Gathering food and sitting down to eat altogether. It would be a shame to not be involved in such a beautiful human tradition centred round family togetherness and food, all for the sake of screen time! It’s just not worth it.

So how can we start to incorporate healthier meal time habits?

1. Model The Behaviour You Want To See

   Kids soak up information like a sponge. They learn so much about how to conduct themselves in the world through their parents. Modelling healthy meal time behaviours such as turning off your phone and chatting at the dinner table will influence your children to behave in the same way.

2. No Screens At Dinner

   Rules! Have a family rule of no screens at the dinner table. Yes even for the parents. We have more than enough screen time at other points in the day. Place your boundary and stick to it.

3. Learn From Others

   Something I have enjoyed learning about recently is the Jewish tradition of keeping Shabbat. For one whole day (Friday evening to Saturday evening) Jewish people shut themselves off from technology, they don’t use their phones or any electronic devices! I have since started incorporating some of these practises into my own life. Switching off from technology for one whole day is pretty liberating. Adults get the opportunity to talk, read and reflect on the week. Whilst kids get the opportunity to be kids again hanging out with friends/family to play games. Friday dinner, Saturday lunch and Saturday dinner are completely uninterrupted by screens and instead there is a focus on starting conversations, playing games and simply hanging out.

I understand the fast paced world we live in now makes it easier to unintentionally neglect family relationships. However, it has been a shame to witness the gradual decline of quality time families have together and I hope to inspire families to start actively trying to bring back traditional family meals into their lives because it is definitely something worth saving!

Written By Nanny Emmy

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like us to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com