Navigating LGBTQ+ Questions From Children
As I approach this topic, I am highly aware of its delicacy and the mine field of people that could be potentially offended by my opinions so lets just try to put feeling personally offended to the side whilst we explore a topic that harbours many different opinions!
I write this piece as a heterosexual female with the classically British value of ‘You do you, I’ll do me, and we’ll both be respectful!’. If you are attempting to raise your child to inevitably be homophobic based on your own hate towards LGBTQ+ people then this blog may be triggering for you. Similarly, if you are attempting to raise your child to inevitably hold anti-traditional values based on your want to preach genderlessness and obsessing over pronouns with a child then this blog may be triggering for you! Now with all that said, let’s dive into the topic.
The weekend that just passed was pride weekend where we recognise the rights and freedoms of LGBTQ+ people to express themselves and be protected from discrimination within our society whilst recognising and continuing the fight for LGBTQ+ rights globally. There are rainbow flags all around, big parade events and lots of LGBTQ+ representation on TV. So what do we say to our kids when they inevitably ask questions? When is the best time to introduce these topics? Here’s 3 points that might be worth considering.
1. Values Are The Priority
What do we value? Acceptance, respectfulness, kindness, love, fairness, honesty. These are the sorts of things I want to keep in mind every time a child asks me questions. When kids ask questions about gender and sexuality topics, often they are too young to give them a thorough answer. The easiest way to answer is to turn towards the things we value most in our society. “Mummy, why is that man holding that man’s hand?”… “Because they love each other”. “Why do the men love each other?”… “Because people can love whoever they want, just like I love your Daddy and your Daddy loves me. They love each other too”. Here my answers reflected values of love and acceptance without going into details. Kids can literally ask anything and gosh they can be quite blunt about it so the best way to answer is to give them straight up honest and good value driven answers.
2.Let The Child Ask First
Children are naturally inquisitive and will ask about anything that piques their interest, including topics related to LGBTQ+ people. Some parents wonder, "When should I bring this up?" The answer is simple: your child will let you know the right time by asking questions themselves. There's no need to force a conversation or meticulously plan how to discuss LGBTQ+ topics. If they don’t ask, you don’t need to tell them. As they grow older, they will naturally have more questions and may already have some knowledge about it from their peers.
3. Don’t Overshare
Only answer the question they have asked. There is absolutely no need to go into a whole deviated conversation about LGBTQ+ topics that they haven’t asked for. “Mummy, why is that man holding that man’s hand"…”Well because they love each other and that means that they’re gay and women can also be gay and they are called lesbians and this is something they are born like”… etc etc. It is completely unnecessary and children just don’t have the capacity to understand these complex social and biological concepts. Only answer their questions. That way you know exactly what they are capable of discussing as they bring the conversation to you, rather than you bringing it to them.
At the end of the day, children will grow up and whatever path they choose becomes theirs and theirs alone. Only when we raise children with the values of acceptance, respectfulness, kindness, love, fairness and honesty can we create a space where children can feel comfortable in being whoever they want.
Happy Pride!
Written by Nanny Emmy.
Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like us to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com
