I met a lovely couple once, in Gibraltar. Two 45-50 year olds travelling across Europe together in their camper van for 3 weeks- how lovely! I spoke with them at the bar for a while about our travels and family. I myself, was in Gibraltar to visit my dad for the weekend. “You flew out to visit your father!” the man sounded shocked. I was equally taken back by his astonishment. “My daughter would never come on holiday with us anymore, we seem to have lost touch with her through her early adult years, she wouldn’t think to fly out and spend time with us”.

They seemed saddened by their factual reality. That I wanted to meet my dad on holiday but their own daughter didn’t. I realised that many parents probably face this painful moment, when they become their own kid’s after-thoughts and begin to lose that connection through what can only be described as life and growing up.

Some parents have very active relationships with their children. They phone every week, they are happy to meet up for a drink and generally just hang out. This is the ideal scenario.

Then you have the kids who can be coerced to participate in family activities however their focus is elsewhere. It’s on messaging their friends, coming for as minimal time as possible (ie leaving straight after dinner) or spending the whole time with their boyfriends/girlfriends. It feels like you’ve become the bottom of their list of people to care about. And it sucks.

There are endless reasons as to why kids try to pull away from their parents. The best way to find out is to simply ask. One day they will understand and they will feel gratitude for the things you’ve done but until then it may feel like you're in a one-sided relationship with most of the care coming from you. Even adult children will not fully understand the depths of their parents love or sacrifice until they are older, more integrated within society and potentially have children of their own.

I would imagine this kind of experience is tougher on the divorced, widowed or single parents who also don’t have a partner to go travelling with. I really think the best way to get around this scenario is to sit down and chat with your child. Let them know that you feel alone and want to reconnect with a trip away. Young adults tend to be broke so paying for a trip away is most likely going to be your burden but at least you can build some lasting memories together.

Don’t wait for your kids to suddenly surprise you with endless gratitude and miraculously fly out to spend lots of time together on holidays. It’s probably not going to happen and you’ll only be disappointed by your own unrealistic expectations. Instead take charge, let them know you want to go on holiday with them, get them involved in the planning of activities for everyone. And yes, you may have to reluctantly agree to the boyfriend or girlfriend coming.

Even if it feels like your child is pulling away now, hold onto the hope that, one day, they will look back and recognise the effort you put into their well-being. They will understand and appreciate the love, patience, and sacrifices you made for them. This realisation might not come immediately, but when it does, it can lead to a renewed and strengthened relationship.

Have hope it will get better, be patient and book that holiday together!

Written by Nanny Emmy

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com