I always get asked “how did you get my kid to do that?”. And my answer is always the same: Let them think it was their idea! This works with lots of different age groups, particularly toddlers and primary school age. Not so much with the older kids though! So here’s a break down of the technique.

1. Give Options

   Children love to be involved with making their own decisions and to feel a part of the process. Often their stubbornness comes from a lack of being involved and therefore they are simply not interested in doing what you want. “I think I’ll put my blue boots on, which ones do you want to wear, the pink or yellow ones?”. Options are always a perfect way to draw attention and involvement.

   2. Focus on the Middle Part

   Now what I mean by this, is if you want your child to go downstairs and they say “No!”, shift the focus away from the downstairs part and get them involved with the journey to get there. “Okay, I’m playing a game, every step I take I’m going to make a different animal noise, which animal noise shall I do first?”. Just make something up and get them involved with a game or a question. You can use this for many different scenarios such as wanting your child to brush their teeth. Get them involved with the journey to the bathroom and play a game of squeezing the toothpaste on the brush. By focussing on the journey and making it seem fun, your kid will inevitably end up doing the task you wanted them to do in the first place.

   3. Seem A Bit Helpless

   The sweetest thing about children is that they always want to help. They want to be involved because helping is something that comes naturally. Children help from a young age and will continue to practise as they learn the process of building trust and relations with other people. There have been many interesting studies on children’s helping behaviour so there’s lots of available reading material if you’re interested! In essence, if you seem to be helpless at something, children will usually pick up on your need and jump into action. They therefore feel a sense of control as you require their help. “I think I put Teddy downstairs but I can’t remember, maybe he’s behind the curtain..no. Maybe he actually is upstairs. Can you help me look for him because I want to give him this sticker?”.

   4.Make It Fun

   The best way to get children involved is to make it child friendly! Smile, laugh, make jokes and games. Trust me I know sometimes you’re tired and need them to just cooperate. The job can get done by shouting at them and threatening to take things away but I always think why not try do things the fun way? Getting frustrated and shouting at kids is not the ideal way out of every situation and actively choosing to create a game and give them options creates an easy going and happy environment for both of you!

Okay so now you get the gist of it, here’s some examples to get you thinking.

Kid : “I don’t want breakfast”

Parent: “Lets have a look at these boxes, oh this cereal box has a bear on it and this one has a lion, I think I like the bear better. Which one do you like?”…”Oh you like the lion one, woah let’s see what it looks like in the bowl, can you help me pour the milk in?”

Kid: “I don’t want dinner, I want to keep playing”

Parent: *picks up teddy * “What was that Teddy? Oh, Teddy says he’s hungry! Oh shall we go give Teddy some food, I think he likes pasta but I don’t really know, can you help me pick some food for him?”

Kid: “I’m not going upstairs to bed”

Parent: “Oh no, silly me, I forgot to put my pyjamas on! I don’t know what colour I should wear, maybe my red ones? Which pyjamas are you going to wear later? The blue or purple ones? I think teddy is also upstairs maybe he can help us choose which pyjamas. I’m sure I left him upstairs somewhere. Can you help me find him.”

Of course there will be times when you struggle to implement this technique. Just try your best, you know your kid better than anyone so don’t feel bad if you change up the technique in the moment and have to give a sneaky bribe every now and again. It’s all a process. The main take away is to let your child feel in control and have fun!

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com