It started because I said no to an ice cream. I wanted him to learn that he can’t get everything he wants all the time and anyway… we had ice creams at home. This decision I made paved the way for a brutal hour long tantrum. Kicking, scream crying and dead weighting (where they just flop on the floor and refuse to use their limbs). Should I just give in and buy him the ice cream or do I remain strong in teaching him this lesson? After half an hour, I felt I had already committed to the lesson and so my stubbornness pushed me through. I mean, how long can they really keep up the tantrum… 1 draining hour later and I was buying a white chocolate magnum, wondering why I bothered putting us through such an awful time. All because of an ice cream.

Kids can have tantrums for many reasons, most notably they occur at a time of heightened, quite uncontrollable, emotions. They tend to happen with big feelings such as disappointment, betrayal, embarrassment or jealousy. Sometimes these tantrums make absolutely no sense to us, especially the ones over the simplest of things or something you have absolutely no control over. The bottomline is that when your child is having a tantrum it means they’re not okay with something and they’re struggling to handle or cope with their emotions about it. So what brings about a tantrum and how do we as adults respond to them?

Causes of A Tantrum

Tantrums seem to strike out of nowhere, but there’s usually a reason behind them. Here’s what I’ve figured out so far:

• Communication Breakdowns: Kids get super frustrated when they can’t express what they want. With a limited vocabulary, it’s tough for them to say, “I want the blue cup, not the red one!”

• Independence Struggles: Toddlers want to do everything themselves, but their skills aren’t always up to the task. Cue the meltdown when they can’t put on their shoes without help.

• Overstimulation and Fatigue: Too much excitement or not enough sleep can turn any fun outing into a tantrum nightmare. It’s like their undeveloped brains just can’t handle all the input yet.

• Hunger Pangs: A hungry kid is a grumpy kid. Enough said.

• Attention Seeking: Sometimes, tantrums are just a way to get a little extra attention from us. Whether we’re on our phones or talking to someone else, they know how to pull us back.

  How I Handle Tantrums

  Handling tantrums is an art. Here’s what’s been working for me:

  Stay Calm (Or At Least Try To)

  I try to stay as calm as possible during a tantrum. Easier said than done, right? But when I manage to keep my cool, it helps defuse the situation. Plus, I’m modelling how to handle frustration – a skill they’ll need for life.

  Validate Their Feelings

  A common reason for a tantrum is because young children lack the skills to verbalise what they want. This is super frustrating for them as they don’t feel as if you understand. “I see you’re upset because Aunty’s gone to the shop, it’s sad when Aunty leaves because she’s the best!,” Acknowledging the emotion and the issue helps them feel understood. It doesn’t always stop the tantrum, but it does seem to help.

  Set Clear Boundaries

  Consistency is key. I’ve learned to set clear rules about what’s okay and what’s not. “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hit.” It’s tough, but necessary.

  Offer Choices

  Kids have a clear lack of control during a tantrum. Giving choices makes them feel more in control. Simple options like, “Do you want the red shirt or the blue shirt?” can prevent a meltdown.

  Distraction and Redirection

  Distraction works wonders. If a tantrum is brewing, I try to shift their attention to something else – a toy, a game, or even a change of scenery.

  Meeting Basic Needs

  Keeping a regular schedule for meals and naps has reduced the number of tantrums. It’s amazing how much difference a well-rested and well-fed child can make.

  Tantrums are tough, no doubt about it. But by staying calm, being consistent, and teaching your child how to deal with their emotions will make a huge difference. It’s a journey to be enjoyed, and every day brings new challenges and successes. Here’s to fewer meltdowns and more peaceful days ahead. Good Luck!

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please do send an email to nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com