If you feel like there’s always a battle when it comes to daily activities or your child just doesn’t like to do as they’re told, this blog post is for you! As a nanny many parents have asked me how I do it and in this post I’ll give you my top 5 communication tips to ensure a smooth running day.

1. The First and Then technique

This is particularly helpful when you need to do something now but your child has other ideas. “First we put our shoes on, then we can go outside”, “first we eat dinner, then we play”, “first brush teeth, then we read a book”. It lets the child know that you have acknowledged what they want, but that it will happen after you’ve got what you need. They feel listened to and important, but understand that you are busy right now.

2. Choices

This is a super easy way to please both yourself and your child. You give the choices, so ultimately you have control of the situation, but the child is still given the freedom to choose. Do you want the red or blues shoes? Do you want to read a book or listen to an audio story before bed? Do you want to use the Spiderman or Batman toothbrush? This takes a scenario that the child doesn’t really want to do e.g bedtime, and gives them a bit of control over it which makes the process so much smoother with no battles.

3. Sometimes Letting Them Say No

This is especially helpful in scenarios that often end in a battle such as putting a coat on to go outside. Sometimes children need to learn for themselves why we do things and they can only learn from experience. Children only start to comprehend future tenses by the age of 4-5, so if you tell a 3 year old, “if you don’t put your coat on you will be cold” they simply don’t understand because right now in this very moment they are not cold! If a child doesn’t want to put a coat on to go outside I say “oh so you’re not cold right now, that’s okay, I’m going to put my coat on because it’s cold outside and I’ll bring yours in my bag. Let me know if you start to feel cold too”. I have looked after hundreds of children and trust me after 10 minutes in the cold, they start asking for their coat. Once they’ve experienced something, they can then learn why we do things which in turn makes putting a coat on much easier the next time! Using this method for any future based demands is helpful for diffusing possible tantrums.

4. Keeping your Cool and Expressing your Feelings

Oooh this can be the toughest one of all because sometimes no matter how many techniques you try or how many choices you give, they still just aren’t cooperating with you. You have resulted to bribery in the form of buying ice creams and feel like your child is the one in control rather than you. The only thing you can think of doing is snapping and shocking your child by raising your voice to make them do as you say. I have no judgement on parents when this happens, sometimes it is necessary for children to understand when the boundaries have been pushed and that they are in fact not the ones in charge. I always try my absolute best to resolve any situation in a calm but stern manner by using a combination of all the techniques discussed in this blog. If all else fails and I really can’t get a child to do something I want, I express my feelings about it. I say “it makes me sad that we can’t go play in the park”, or “it makes me sad that we can’t brush our teeth together”. Then I give them two choices that they can do instead such as read a book or sit and draw. You can’t win every battle and that’s okay. A child is still learning and navigating huge emotions and there may actually be a reason why they won’t cooperate so it’s best to change the subject and try again next time.

5. Helping Hand

Children naturally want to get involved and offer a helping hand. This can always be used to our advantage when trying to get stuff done. Can you help me find the blue shoes? Can you help me put the toothpaste on the brushes? These all give the child a sense of independence and ensures they practise the pro social skill of helping people.

Used in combination, these 5 techniques allow me to communicate with any child and ensures a smooth flowing, no tantrum day. Of course not every day will be a walk in the park but with practise you’ll find which techniques work best for you. An example of using these all in combination would look like this:

“Okay kiddo you wanna go to the park so let’s put our shoes and coat on. We can’t go outside without shoes, shoes first then park. Which shoes would you like the blue or purple ones? Good choice, can you help me find my shoes and we’ll put them on together? Okay now for the coat. Oh you're not cold now? Okay i’ll keep it in my bag and you tell me if you get cold.” “You’re cold now? Okay here’s your coat. I’m really happy that we’ve both got our coats on and warm now!"

Hopefully you can pick out which techniques I used in there! It does seem a little strange to talk like this at first but it really does help children understand what you want and gives them the opportunity to feel listened to.

Thanks for reading! If you have any questions or topics you would like me to discuss in future blogs please send an email to: nannyemmyquestions@gmail.com